Lonesome

Is when you know that you are surrounded with people yet you feel sorry for yourself.

One episode of THE OC season 4, and here I am, reminiscing over the past.
Told Eewan that it is never going to end. Period.

All she could say was she felt sorry for me, but the phase will pass and I will be alright.
I can't seem to think straight after the incident.
What happened to the objective me? The rational me? The emotional independant me?

I guess it's these times, when you wished that none of this has ever happened.
Being around with people, yet you can't help but feel that no one feels you out there.
You try to reach into yourself but the inner you seems to drift furthur apart.

"Nothing is wrong with being depressed, all you need to do is pop in a few anti-depressen pills."

The holiday-phobia is coming back to me.
I need a real time-out. Not one which reminds you about the past,which keeps haunting you.
I miss having fun.
I miss being myself.
I miss drinking by the way.

No more weekly booze. No more weekly puffs. No more daily mamaks.

I want to try something stronger.
More kick to it.
Morphin perhaps?